Anger Management

I was reminded this week of how angry people are: threats to employment and housing; insufficient money; not enough time; no hope; injustice; fear; dependence; overbearing parents and unruly children and many more factors are making people angry.

As managers we have to deal with anger and no more so than when we work with colleagues who are fearful of losing their jobs (as many are currently) or who feel victimised or who feel they have suffered an injustice. Even those spared from redundancy are angry - the survivor syndrome referred to by Noer in Healing the Wounds (Jossey-Bass, 1993). Noer suggested survivors of redundancy feel depressed and have a sense of guilt, anxiety, insecurity, frustration, resentment and stress.

These are powerful emotions and as managers we have to help our colleagues cope with this anger. The first thing is, who really wants to talk about their anger when they are angry? If a manager and managed person were to try and work through anger a plan might help, such as:
SPADAIR

1. Share views of the issue or problem (it is important NOT to bring personalities into this so focus on the PROBLEM)
2. Perception - yours and theirs, to be made clear
3. Agree what the problem (cause of the anger) is
4. Develop potential solutions
5. Agree a workable solution
6. Implement the solution
7. Review progress within a short time

We have to recognise that you often cannot remove the things or people that make you angry but that you can only learn to control your reactions. Our anger can be plotted on a scale from mild irritation at on end to rage at the other but plotting anger like this may not be helpful and may in fact only make us more angry. What we need are techniques that allow us to keep our anger under control or at bay.

We could try relaxing - how many of us really know how? How many of us know how to breathe deeply rather than breathing high in the chest? How many of us know how to use the power of imagery to help us relax? How many of us would be helped by exercise such as yoga? Or perhaps we have to work on changing the way we think about issues - I recognise this one for myself! I can become angry at things and my anger might be manifest by harsh words or overly dramatic reactions but my girlfriend seems to have the ability to put things into context and ask questions such as, "Did anyone die as a result?" and I have a moment where (despite myself) I find I am smiling inside and less angry. Putting things into context like this and changing the way we see things (cognitive restructuring) can help.

You may be able to avoid some stressful situations that lead to anger. For example, one commute I used to do took me through heavy south-London traffic every night until I realised there was a longer though much more scenic and peaceful route through a royal park. I avoided the stress of the commute by replacing it with a more enjoyable ride home.

In the extreme, perhaps managers need to recognise they too need help and the colleague might be better advised seeking help from a person trained in counselling for the workplace. Sometimes, dealing with the situations that might otherwise leave us angry, in a more effective way, can be helped by specific training such as assertiveness skills or interpersonal skills.

If you find a colleague (or even yourself) demonstrating rage or using sarcasm or wanting to throw things around or use emotional language to hurt others or provoke arguments or tension - possibly you need to learn to control your anger too?